Yo, Ho, Ho, and a Bottle Opener for Rum

Me name be Cap'n Broderick Knifenose and I'm all you need in t' bar! Grog be t' blame for my hideous deformity tho I be not bitter. I still open all ye brew with my foil cutter arm, uncork your grog with my corkscrew leg, me head be a bottle opener, and me other arm be an easy-open lever. Though I have a patch on me eye and a parrot on me shoulder, I be harmless t' anythin' but bottles. if you forget me name, just call me t' Pirate Bottle Opener.